Midterms and all that jazz

Guess what! It's that midterm time of the semester, so you know what that means...

MONKEY COLLAGES!

....

...and blog postings, of course.

So I had to study for a tuesday midterm on monday night, and, realizing that I get very little done at home [See below], I decided to pack up and mosy on down to the cafeteria at the health science center (ie. hospital). It's quiet and open all night (since apparently people don't stop dying and contracting diseases after 5pm), so it's a good place to go. I packed up all the essentials -- toothbrush, floss, instant coffee, a mug, a spoon, and a tupperware bowl full of sugar -- then headed out the door with a pillow under my arm. My only regret was that I didn't bring a gown. If Coleman had had one that I could borrow, I wouldn't have had to worry about sleeping on my books in the cafeteria. All I would have had to do when that sleepful urge caught hold, would have been to strip down, put on my gown, and wander about in a disoriented manner. I'm sure someone would have shown me to a room after awhile. And I probably would have gotten tucked in too. And possible restrained... so maybe not such a grand idea.

But anyway, I studied all night and morning until my 1pm exam time. I only got about an hour of sleep, but that was fine with me, since I was full to the brim with knowledge -- the type of precariously retained knowledge that wouldl just as soon slip into your subconscious as it would out the end of your pencil, where it would render itself useless for any purpose with the exception of multiple choice. But this was long-answer calculation-type stuff, for which I was ready to purge myself onto a thin sheet of eight-and-a-half by eleven paper, and promptly forget the whole draining ordeal.

I arrived in class, vaguely noting that many of the seats seemed to be vacant. But there were still a good 10 minutes before the official start-time, so I didn't worry my pretty little head too much. I continued going over my notes, and some time later, looked up to see that the prof still wasn't there, and that it was a couple minutes after 1. Now this seemed mighty odd for a test day. I hadn't had much time to ponder before our prof tore into the room, appologizing for her tardiness. It wasn't until until several seconds after her apology -- her apology for being so long in dropping off the tests at the copy centre -- that I realized my mistake.

I guess that when I was writing down test dates in my agenda at the first of the year, I'd decided that Tuesday and Thursday were pretty much interchangeable. So my actual midterm is tomorrow. And now I'm studying for that and another one. Or at least I was until I started to procrastinate.

But today still feels productive compared to this weekend. That was when I realized what a bad idea it is to work at home (as mentioned above). I had a paper to write this weekend, and managed to waste all stinkin weekend writing it.

The boneheads who I live with don't help the matter. I was using Craig's computer in his room (since mine is broken), so we wasted a lot of time doing stupid things. For one, we invented a new game. It's called ANTI-FIGHTING, and it's intense. The point of the game is to pretend to fight, but not actually touch each other. You basically just flip out inside someone else's personal space, throwing punches and flailing constantly, but trying not to make contact. We got Coleman in on it too and it was even better. And oh yeah, it looks ridiculous to watch. Maybe I'll post a video or something.

Also, I brought home a FOUND CAT poster last Wednesday, which I put on the fridge. We called the number and tried to claim it, because we really wanted a free cat, but I guess they didn't believe us and had decided that they wanted to keep it.

And Craig and I discovered how to make smoke. We filled the kitchen sink with hot water, then sprayed canned air into the water. If you haven't heard of canned air, it's supposed to be for cleaning keyboards, but if you flip it upside-down to spray, it sprays out some REALLY COLD liquid chemical that immediately freezes (causing frostbite on bare skin, I might add) and then quickly sublimes into gas form. Very cool. And like I said, it makes smoke just like a smoke machine.

Hmmmm what else... Oh yeah, all 3 of us tried to joust with hockey sticks and and swivel chairs in the hall. Craig bled. And then Craig convinced me to stop writing and play 3-man-5-man (a Marystown drinking game) with him, using a few extra coolers we had in the fridge from last weekend.

And Craig and I came this close to buying tickets for an all-inclusive vacation to Punta Cana for next week. We thought it would be fun to just buy them on a whim and skip out without telling Coleman, then drink all week. coleman would wake up one day and there would just be this note on the kitchen table that said,

Dear Coleman,

Gone to Punta Cana.
Back in a week.

Love,
Pat & Craig

But my student loan extension hadn't come through yet, so I couldn't. I would have had to do it within an hour of getting the idea, cause any longer and I'd think about it too much. You KNOW it's a bad idea when you realize how crucial it is that you have do it before reason has time to kick in.

So that's how I spent my weekend. And why I can't work at home anymore.

Coleman is ridiculous.

OK, so last night I randomly checked my obsolete hotmail account, and lo and behold there was a bunch of crap in it from months ago. I hadn't even known that it was activated. So anyway, there was one set of emails that particularly amused me.

The first of that set was from a friend named Mandy, which had also been cc-ed to another friend, Coleman. It went a little something like this. Or exactly like this. God bless copy-paste.

hey guys.

just wanted to ask a small favor of you. september is coming, and though i am home now, i need a place to live in the fall (curses on the graduating roomates!). the prospects are...limited, to say the least. so if you know anyone who needs a roomate, or, even better, anyone who has a room they need to fill, could you please let me know?? or mention me to them?? if you can vouch for their character, that's fine, you can just pass on my email, phone number, tell them to add me to msn, anything. getting a little freaked out at the idea of living in a carboard box somewhere. haha.

thanks guys,
mandy

And the other one was Coleman's reply, which he cc-ed to me, probably because he thought he was hilarious.

Hello Mandy.... this is Colonel Brown Pantsmanship. And I know of a place where you could live and habitate where. Its umm, at the corner of Allandale road and umm..... Carcham street. The rent is very cheap.. Soo cheap in fact that you might as well send 100$ too my pal Coleman and Im sure that will take care of all the financialitiessss. So yeah, cheap rent, at a wicked place on someplace I made up that I think you will love. By the way there is a handling fee of 100$ that you just might as well send to coleman as well. He's a cool guy Im sure you are aware. So good luck at you new sweet place and hurries with the moneys.

Your friend....
Some guy coleman Knows (Not Pat, or Colonel Brown Pantsmanship)

IIIIIII loves it.

My first and last, one and only "Snakes on a Plane" spoof...

OK, so yeah, I suck... but my new, non-broken computer will be ready soon. Just like the urethra and a pair of testicles, the parts are in the mail. (To obscure a pun? Whatever...)

BUT, in the meantime, I feel like posting this up. I was just up all night making this poster to advertise the first UN meeting this week.

More later. I promise you that, oh vastly void I call the interweb.


Fuckin' "Snakes on a Plane" with Kofi Annan of the United Nations... oh yeah.

Weekend photo

OK, so maybe it's a little bit photoshopped, but here's a pic that I took of my the sand flats at my cottage in Shediac. This is pro shit, yo...

Things I should invent

Item #1:

A belt that has LED lights all around it and with a GPS thingy in the buckle. Thay way, it can be hooked up to a computer so that the LED lights (as a line or little graphic) will always point in the direction of a specified destination. So you could pick a place on Google maps (say a party or a cottage or a store), and then you could load the GPS coordinates into your belt. Then you'd just follow it to where you want to go. As a default feature, it could also be set to just point north.

Cool, huh? I'd buy one.

Back to Newfoundland on Sunday! Craig and Coleman and I are thinking about doing a (roughly) daily video blog for our house on YouTube, so I'll post that if we get it on the go. Video of all the antics from Wexford Drive will follow. Woop woop bitches.

Oral hygeine

So I was at the gas station convenience store today and I found myself in line behind a guy who was buying an apple and a bottle of Coke.

I wanted to be all like, "Congratulations buddy -- you have fulfilled the recommended daily apple intake. Unfortunately, that Coke is worth negative four hundred apple dental credits. Consequently, you fail the dental hygeine game. Please play again."

I hate Hummers.

So let's see... today, today, today... what happened?

Well, I almost got the first entry into my comprehensive Hummer directory. Y'see, a few weeks ago I was thinking about how people who own Hummers are big douchebags. I mean -- how insecure do you have to be to buy a big honkin, gas-guzzling vehicle like that? In my opinion, nothing says "I have an exceedingly tiny penis" like a Hummer, with the possible exception of a crotch-rocket motorbike with the muffler removed. Though I am by no means rich, I live in a pretty well-to-do town. The Irvings (as in Irving petroleum) live a few minutes across town in this pimped out sprawl of a mansion, along with a bunch of other "old money" families and a few tech rich-O's with their fancy several-million-dollar suburban getaways. So needless to say, Hummer-jerks prevail in the area.

So I spotted one today, and followed it around for a few minutes, since I had nothing else to do. Then I realized that it was just driving into one of the richer parts of my neighborhood to check out the expensive-looking houses. So by the time I realized that the dude in the chromed up, yellow Hummer was just "checking out the competition", he'd probably seen me drive by him like three times, so I decided it was best to bail.

So what would I do with this directory? The idea was that, whenever I saw a Hummer, I would follow it to its place of residence and take down the address. After I got a bunch of them, I planned to go out some night and egg them all. Yeah, that's right -- all of them. How could any good become of that, you ask? Cause you just know that all these assholes hang out together. How I imagined it, they'd all be sitting around on one of their private beaches with their Hummers parked nearby. They'd be drinking expensive champagne while sitting around their bonfire, talking about how the municiple composting program isn't worth the hassle, all the whilst throwing more supreme-grade gasoline onto the fire. And sooner or later, those fuckers would realize that they'd all been egged. And deep inside, they'd realize that it was because each of them, for whatever reasons, was a waste of a human being.

Sorry if anyone has a Hummer. I don't hate you, but I've lost a whole bunch of respect. On second thought, don't even tell me if you do.